Smarter Than You

The Blogger With A Bite

2008-08-10T23:50:00.001-04:00

Hi,
It's Megan, the late blogger. This is my introduction, so get ready fools!

I like to define myself as being smart, awkward and bitter. To most of you, that is surprising, the whole bitter part. I definitely don't show my pissed off bitch face at school, or when I'm with my friends, but trust me, it lives. It resides in a place deep within me that was constructed by the nasty little whores and cowards in Elementary School. I'm not afraid to admit that I was teased a lot in Elementary school, in fact, I blame all of my problems on those people. Kids can be really feisty and cruel, but I'm not going to type about how much I hated those times, I'd rather thank those people.

I'm a fighter, and I can basically take any insult that is thrown at me. After realizing that theres more to life than the idiots around you, I took an interest to world events, my studies, and the human mind. Theres an advantage to being different from everyone else: you can fit into any situation. I am flexible, no matter where I am or who is around.

I enjoy hearing what other people think, and meeting new people, but I hate ignorant people. Which is why I'm so happy this blog was created. Maybe, through this blog, people will grow smarter by reading the opinions of people who are smarter than them. It sounds haughty, I know, but if you're offended that means you're either paranoid or have come to face with the fact that you're not as smart.

Here's hope, intelligence can be acquired, it just may take a couple of years.

This aint the last of me,
love meg

It's Jonathan, Not Jay, JD,Or J-Baby

2008-08-10T03:14:00.001-04:00

Alright- how complicated can it be? My name is Jonathan. I like my name. I don't like your shitty-ass nick-names you give me. They suck. No.. you suck! Ha ha, there's nothing like humor at your expense.
So I'm Jonathan. Love me, loathe me, laugh at me. Well, don't laugh- I'll laugh at you instead. Frankly, I don't give a damn either way. So perhaps a little more personal information? Okay.. Well, I like to cook. Oh I bet you're all like "Woah! He must be queer or something, since he likes to cook! What is he- a housewife?" First of all, Fuck You. I will do as I please, when I damn well feel like it- and if that means cooking up Bananas Foster or hiding the half naked pool boy in the pantry, I will! But, of course, just to clear it up- I am not queer and I can explain the half naked pool boy in the pantry- he's not really here legally and the authorities are poking around the property. Second of all, cooking is really relaxing- I can zone out from my troubles in my day and focus on the meal or snack I'm preparing, constantly modifying it. But by far, the most gratifying reward to cooking is the expression on one's face when they take a bite into something delicious you've created with your hands. But hey, I don't expect a peasant like you to understand.
In addition to cooking, I play a few instruments, piano being my strongest. I'm also half French and have dual-citizenship, which sort of kicks ass and automatically makes me better than you. Sorry- it's just the way it works. You'll discover more about me as I continue to post throughout the year.
So, are you all doing fine? Ehh, who gives a damn. I'm doing alright- I'm pretty psyched that this blog is getting off the ground. Am I pleased that we've only had 5 people visit (including myself)? Don't answer that. So what can we do about this little situation? Well, if you're not too offended (or even if you are, I don't really care either way) pass this blog along to your friends, or those pathetic sycophants you call cronies. Come on- go on! Invite them! Maybe one of them is smarter than you material and can appreciate this blog for the genius that it is, however unlikely that it is that you have remotely interesting friends, let alone if they're smart enough to make use of a keyboard and mouse. It is shocking that you've made it thus far and is nothing short of a miracle. If I didn't know any better, I'd blame God for it. Ehh, might as well.
I hope you enjoyed (not really, again- I don't give a damn) our posts thus far and that you continue reading this blog well into the future.
- Jonathan

I Think It's Safe to Say I Have at Least a 60% Chance of Being Smarter Than You

2008-08-09T21:31:00.000-04:00

Hi, I’m Viv. Here are some things you should know about me.

I’m terrible at introductions; I never really know what to say. I don’t think I’m impartial enough to make a good judgment of my character (I’m really good at judging people I don’t know at all though, I do it all the time). So to avoid having to do this all, I’m just going to write about few completely irrelevant things and pretend it has something to do with my personality. Clever right?

The life of Octavian Nothing does not astonish or even amuse me in the least. Maybe the book just starts getting good around page 300, but I've empathized with Octavian the least of any character I’ve ever known. And I’m pretty easily swayed. I can see where both Harry and Voldemort are coming from, I think Count Olaf might’ve just needed more affection in his childhood, but the boy who has an obsessive compulsion to weigh his own excrement is a hard sell. I actually did start liking him more when his oppressors started beating him (not when his mother died though, scratching out of three pages of text for “stylistic” reasons is fucking ridiculous, although it made the reading go faster).

I was bitten four times by a mosquito while writing this and it’s greatly upsetting me. The only thing worse than a mosquito bite is an ant bite between the fingers, or toes. This actually happened every single time I stepped foot into “the great outdoors” during my childhood. That’s why I’ve learned better and now I spend as little time outside areas confined by four walls as possible. It’s also why when exiting a store I often power walk or jog to my car, to keep myself from being exposed to the elements for longer than physically necessary.

I’m currently enrolled in an SAT Prep course where we learn valuable things like how to solve equations with fractions, identify a 45-45-90 right triangle, and fix a run-on sentence! I think the most valuable thing I’ve learned is that eating a snack in the middle of a four hour test prevents me from getting headaches that make it impossible to finish. So I’d say it’s $900 well spent (thanks Kaplan!).

That's all for now.

-Viv

f1rst p0st!!!1!!

2008-08-06T20:48:00.003-04:00

First off, I would like to state that I am probably not smarter than you.

More talented than you, yes. Better than you, yes. Cooler than you, definitely. But maybe not smarter.

Oh, hell, what am I thinking. Yeah, try as I might to be humble and denounce Jonathan and Viv's naming this blog "Smarter Than You," it's just the plain and simple truth. Or that's what my ego would like me to think. Hmm. Damn ego. Hey, did I mention that I have a name for my ego? His name is Walter. When I'm feeling down he whispers in my ear (or, the ear inside my head. Obviously someone who resides in my mind can't go outside of my mind and whisper into my ear) and tells me that I'm great. That's an understatement, actually. What is he telling me right now? "Don't let the feds get you down, Phil! You couldn't have known that cannabis is illegal in the U.S! And don't worry about the giraffe ordeal. We'll smuggle that thing right into Jonathan's backyard. He won't mind. You're beautiful and perfect."

It's hard to believe my ego oftentimes, but I try. My emotional well-being is at stake. Anyway, this is way too long-winded. Here are some things you may not know about me:
1) Once my mother strip-searched me for drug paraphernalia.
2) I am actually quite the b-baller.
3) I actually do grow out my fingernails for a reason (other than being gay).
4) Muskrats turn me on.
5) I cheated on the SAT by reading the minds of the people sitting in close proximity to me.

That's about it. Sorry for this disjointed and disappointing post. I'm sure I will have a lot of snarky, sarcastic stuff to say about the Olympics as soon as I find out what Olympics are. Though if I had to take a guess I would say that the Olympics are a jazz group from Illinois who are planning on playing Beijing for the first time since the fall of commnism. Is that close?

Nothing happens when you die.
Phil

A Sordid Introduction of Sorts

2008-08-06T19:11:00.000-04:00

I'm going to warn you now, before any of this starts, that you are now subject to copious quantities of sarcastic/ego flexing/cynical insincerities. You are officially fair game and in the line of fire. Just thought I'd warn you before the narcissistic hubris completely overwhelms you. Yep. Oh, who gives a damn what you think anyway.
So, since I've started things off in such a biting manner that, hopefully, will be imitated throughout the blog, I guess I should introduce highly talented and deliciously intelligent core writers.. except I won't personally introduce them, for more reasons than just that I am unjustifiably lazy, for we will all introduce our selves in posts following this one. Remember that our first round of topic lead posts will begin on August 10th, 2008. The Olympics is that week's topic- that is if the Chinese government doesn't pull the plug on this blog for not adhering to their stringent blog rules. Only time will tell.
Until later,
- Jonathan