f1rst p0st!!!1!!

First off, I would like to state that I am probably not smarter than you.

More talented than you, yes. Better than you, yes. Cooler than you, definitely. But maybe not smarter.

Oh, hell, what am I thinking. Yeah, try as I might to be humble and denounce Jonathan and Viv's naming this blog "Smarter Than You," it's just the plain and simple truth. Or that's what my ego would like me to think. Hmm. Damn ego. Hey, did I mention that I have a name for my ego? His name is Walter. When I'm feeling down he whispers in my ear (or, the ear inside my head. Obviously someone who resides in my mind can't go outside of my mind and whisper into my ear) and tells me that I'm great. That's an understatement, actually. What is he telling me right now? "Don't let the feds get you down, Phil! You couldn't have known that cannabis is illegal in the U.S! And don't worry about the giraffe ordeal. We'll smuggle that thing right into Jonathan's backyard. He won't mind. You're beautiful and perfect."

It's hard to believe my ego oftentimes, but I try. My emotional well-being is at stake. Anyway, this is way too long-winded. Here are some things you may not know about me:
1) Once my mother strip-searched me for drug paraphernalia.
2) I am actually quite the b-baller.
3) I actually do grow out my fingernails for a reason (other than being gay).
4) Muskrats turn me on.
5) I cheated on the SAT by reading the minds of the people sitting in close proximity to me.

That's about it. Sorry for this disjointed and disappointing post. I'm sure I will have a lot of snarky, sarcastic stuff to say about the Olympics as soon as I find out what Olympics are. Though if I had to take a guess I would say that the Olympics are a jazz group from Illinois who are planning on playing Beijing for the first time since the fall of commnism. Is that close?

Nothing happens when you die.
Phil